Let's start at the beginning. You have just given birth to your precious baby. Everything is perfect in your little world. Yes, you're tired from waking up in the night. The baby can only communicate hunger or pain or tiredness by crying. Your house no longer smells like vanilla scented candles or roses from your romantic husband. Those smells are replaced by the smell of diapers and spit up. But you don't mind. This little blessing is more important to you than those little inconveniences.
After a few months that little ball of joy begins to roll around, scooting close to dangerous places around your home. Within another couple months, he starts to crawl up to furniture and pull up into a standing position. Now, you have to move all your breakables, candles, wedding gifts, and boxes of tissue out of the baby's reach. You “baby-safe” your home. Then, there's no resting anymore. You are constantly moving the baby back to where you can see him. Taking the little tidbits that the vacuum forgot out of his fists before they make it to his mouth. Nap time is all you're living for at this point, and this continues through them learning to walk...and then run. The only difference is that you are now running too.
Your baby is developing motor skills and vocabulary skills. He still cries when he is hungry or hurting or tired, but now he adds a little flare with a bit of screaming, stomping, and dropping to the floor in complete rebellion. You have learned to read his sign language, so you know what he wants even when he doesn't feel like talking. You are such a good parent that you are completely in tune with his needs and desires. He gets through his first birthday and is almost 2 and life is perfect. In fact, you are getting along so well with this new addition that you and your sweetheart are considering adding a little girl to complete “the perfect family”.
So, here you are with your cute little belly and your 2 year old going to the playground and on trips to the grocery store. He has begun to see things at the store he wants and realizes that you can buy them, and then he can take them home. You know he doesn't need them, but he is going through a lot of stress with your pregnancy. So, you buy him a few toys. He does deserve them, and anyway it'll keep him busy in the shopping cart and on the way home. After a while, though, your husband starts to question if all these toys are necessary. The money is getting tight and the toys are overtaking the house. You are beginning to drown in Little People and Matchbox cars and DEBT! So, the next time you go to the store he asks for a toy, and you say “No, not this time, Honey.” This is met with a plea. “No, Sweetie”. Next a little scream. “Mommy already told you 'no'”. And then...the tantrum, right there in the middle of Walmart. The blood rushes to your head and you turn completely red in the face. What are people thinking about you right now? So, you give in and then BAM! You have placed him as the head of your home. Complete with crown and scepter. And, boy does he pick up on that right away!
That makes you stop to think: Where did he learn that he can control you? When did this all start? Is it just that he's entering his terrible 2's? I very firmly believe the answer to that question is “No!” . This will no doubt offend some people out there, but I believe that “the terrible twos” is a myth. Bear with me for a second, but what if the only reason it seems that your 2 year old is out of control is that you are all of a sudden trying to control him? He has made his own decisions from the day he was born. He told you when to change him, feed him, give him a toy, put him in bed, clean up his puke, and the list goes on. At his first grunt or whimper you gave him his paci. Whenever he cried you offered him a bottle or breast. If he dropped his toy, you'd pick it up and hand it to him...he'd drop it again, and you'd hand it to him. Somehow, he'd “drop” it all the way across the room, and you'd hand it to him. Maybe, though, he was playing a game with you...Maybe he was training you just like we train a dog. He's been observing you, learning what it takes to get what he wants.
In just your first submission to him he sees that he has power. Is it wrong to give your kids power? For just a minute think back to what your goals for your children are. You DO want them to be responsible and “take charge” kind of people, right? But until they have proven that they can evaluate all the pros and cons, pray for guidance, and accept the consequences for their actions, why would you put that on them? You love them! You want the best for them. And you DO know best...well, at least you know better than they do. More than what you know, you have the ability to seek God's counsel. Not only that, but you are called to seek him: “If any one lack wisdom, let him ask of God.” (James 1:5) And we have already established that God wants us to train up our children in the way they should go. Not watch our children go the way they are going to go. We absolutely must train them! Not be trained by them!
So, if you're reading this and thinking to yourself, "That's exactly where we are!" Don't despair. The great thing about kids is that just as it was easy for them to learn how to control you, they can be taught to obey and respect(and they must be taught, because it does not come naturally!) And if you're brand new parents, Yay! You don't have to undo bad habits. Commit to following God's parenting plan, and you will not regret it!
No comments:
Post a Comment