I am a huge fan of COUNTING! I've learned a great many things from watching other parents. One thing I've observed and gained so much from is the technique of counting. If you're new to parenting, let me explain the idea behind this technique and how it works.
The purpose: get your child to obey whatever it is you've told or asked them to do.
The how: First, you may want to decide before hand how far you're willing to count and convey this to your child with an explanation that when you finally reach this chosen number there will be some sort of punishment (whether or not you intend to implement it). Then, wait for an opportunity to tell (or ask) your child to do or stop doing something. As a little side note, you may want to stick to asking them to do things rather then telling them to. If you tell them to do things it may sound like you actually expect them to do it. It may prove to be easier on them if you just ask them something like, "Do you want to clean up your toys now?" Or "Do you want to hold Mommy's hand while we cross this busy street?" But if you really feel authoritative you could actually tell them to do whatever it is. Let's just say for example it's cleaning up their toys. If they obey immediately (which is highly unlikely for those of you who use this technique regularly) stop here. If, however they don't obey right then start counting. What you say is, "One. Two. Are you going to obey Mommy? Three. F-o-o-o-o-o-o-ur. >long pause< I said clean up your toys. F-i-i-i-i-i-i-ve. I'm not going to tell you again. Six" At this point you may want to go over to them and start cleaning up the toys to set an example. Then count a little further making sure to speak slowly in order to delay getting to the point where you have to decide whether or not to follow through with discipline. If you don't follow these steps your child will not know exactly how much longer they are expected to play. Basically, they just need you to lay out a plan so they know when obedience is expected. When you finally are almost to say 10 (or whatever number you have chosen) they should get up and start cleaning up their toys. However, there is still a good chance you may need to start at 1 a few more times. If that's the case, it would probably be easier to just clean up the toys yourself or just leave them there and remove the child from the situation...maybe you could fix her a snack or put in a movie.
In case you are reading this but aren't a personal friend who understands my sarcastic personality, I guess I should make it very clear that I meant all of that very sarcastically! In fact, it drives me crazy when I see parents doing this! The first thing I said, however, was not meant to be sarcastic...I have learned a lot from watching parents model this technique. I have observed that kids are very quick to learn how long they have to disobey before obedience is actually expected.
That scenario may have been a little extreme, but you all have to admit you've either done or witnessed something similar at least once in your life. I've done it. I didn't want to deal with a situation and thought to myself, "Maybe this will work." Guess what! It didn't.
So, why do parents think it will? I believe firmly that it is training children that there is an allotted "disobedience" period that comes before obedience is required. Don't we want our kids to obey immediately? Just for practical application do you want your kid who has just chased a ball into the street to come back on the sidewalk as soon as you tell them to come or after you've counted to 5? Will his boss want him to turn in a report when it's asked for or after his boss has requested it 10 times? Don't forget, we are called to train our children in the way they should go. We have to prepare them for the rest of their lives, and there will not be counting out in the real world!
But now, I said before I'm a huge fan of counting, and here's why...Rather than using counting to allow my kids a few extra seconds of disobedience I use it to count how many spankings they will receive for slow obedience. So, if you ever hear me counting to my kids it is only for the purpose of making them aware of the punishment they are actively choosing.
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