Accepting the Unacceptable

A friend was telling me the other day that her daughter's behavior was getting out of control. She made a comment that really convicted me. She said, "Her behavior has become unacceptable." All I could reply was, "But yet, you're accepting it." I wasn't trying to be unkind, but it was the truth. And she knew it.

Whether it's due to laziness or a lack of knowledge, we all have at some point accepted the unacceptable. I do it all the time! I hate to admit it, but I will accept my son's talking back for days before I finally just lose it and yell at him. I did it the other day, and in my anger at him for arguing with me I lost my grocery money. I was so upset with him that I couldn't even think straight. When I tried to remember what I did with the money that had been handed to me right as I was exploding I couldn't remember. I am absolutely not proud of this story, but it's true. My behavior was completely unacceptable, and I just expected my son to accept it! And even worse, I had accepted it! What would have been acceptable would have been to discipline him a few days before when his bad attitude started, and the whole incident could have been avoided. Not only had I sinned in losing my temper, I also had sinned by not faithfully disciplining him when he needed it.

It is not an easy thing to do, but it has been so powerful when I have sat down one of my children and apologized for my unacceptable behavior. We are human, and we have struggles just like our children do. Just because we have lived more years on this earth does not mean we have mastered the art of self-discipline. And our children need to hear us voice that! We want them to be able to admit their failures, so we need to lead by example. We must be sure we are modeling acceptable behavior before we can train our children in the way they should go . It's the same concept as in Matthew 7:3-5 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." NIV) 

Not only am I modeling good behavior when I apologize, I also am more prone to consider how hard it is for my child to always do the right thing. I am NOT saying we should excuse the wrong behavior. They need to be punished appropriately. But I am much more patient when I look in the mirror and see my own faults.

And then we can pray together! Pray with your children. Together confess your sins to the Lord. Let them pray for you and your struggle with your temper, or your consistency, or your uncontrolled tongue. Let them pray for themselves and ask God to help them obey or have a better attitude or speak kindly...whatever it is you are dealing with. And then pray for them, out loud. They need to hear that. You need to model it for them. I promise that it will be powerful!

My next post will basically be a list of what God considers "acceptable behaviors" and "unacceptable behaviors" for our children and us along with the scriptures to back them up. And then my secret tool in implementing them in our home! So, be watching for it :)