Proverbs for Families

There's nothing like your husband inviting a crowd of parents to visit your blog to kick your butt into gear and get you back to the keyboard! The daily grind seems to keep me so busy that all the thoughts in my head never seem to make it here anymore. But, as promised to all those who attended our breakout session at church yesterday I will at least do a quick post to get my favorite verses from wise old Solomon here for you today! 

As a little recap, and for those not there yesterday, bringing up our children to be the disciples of Christ we hope them to be can seem very daunting at times. There are days I feel so unequipped and like I'm just scrounging to get by! But one of my very favorite verses is James 1:5(ESV)..."If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." I just LOVE how it says that He won't even scold us for asking! He is just waiting for us to ask! Hoping we will ask! He isn't hoarding wisdom! He doesn't charge us for it! He doesn't give it out sparingly! WE JUST HAVE TO ASK!!!!

This brings me to one of my favorite books of the Bible: Proverbs! I love it because I don't have to have 30 minutes to sit and read to gain something. Each little verse is packed with wisdom that applies to my life. In just seconds I can read a verse and then carry that verse into my day, reaping blessings from the wisdom that God gave Solomon thousands of years ago. As I have read through the book of  Proverbs many times over the years, I have noticed how so many verses can be applied to parenting and family. I began to mark those verses and all other "family verses" in my Bible with blue so that when I needed parenting wisdom I could quickly flip through and find encouragement.

I have to share a short story here about how I used this in a discipline situation. This past year one of our children had a bit of a disrespectful attitude that became an ongoing problem for a day or two. I was so frustrated with this air of defiance and beside myself with how to punish this particular child. We always want to punish according to scripture, and this child knew all the verses on honoring her parents. But as much as I could say these verses over and over, what was really needed was for this child to experience these verses for herself. So on a Friday night she was informed that before going to a birthday party the next day she would have to copy all the "blue verses" from Proverbs in my Bible. She set her alarm for very early to allow enough time and got to work very early that next morning. I was so touched to see how diligently she worked at copying them into her journal. But that wasn't even the most amazing part. The wisdom she gained through this experience was priceless! Over and over that day and after she would quote verses to me that she had learned from that experience. She applied that wisdom to situations and I would hear her sharing that wisdom with her siblings. And yes, she finished in plenty of time, and was able to go to the birthday party!

So, without further ado, here is just a sprinkling of the verses out of Proverbs that I find helpful when I am feeling like I need some parenting wisdom:

Proverbs verses(NLT) for parents/children:

6:20-24  My son, obey your father’s commands, and don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. Keep their words always in your heart.

    Tie them around your neck. When you walk, their counsel will lead you. When you sleep, they will protect you.

    When you wake up, they will advise you. For their command is a lamp and their instruction a light; their corrective discipline

    is the way to life. It will keep you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of a promiscuous woman.

10:1 A wise child brings joy to a father; a foolish child brings grief to a mother.

11:29 Those who bring trouble on their families inherit the wind. The fool will be a servant to the wise.

12:1 To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.

12:3 Wickedness never brings stability, but the godly have deep roots.

12:7 The wicked die and disappear, but the family of the godly stands firm.

12:15 Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.

13:24 Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.

15:1 A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

17:21 It is painful to be the parent of a fool; there is no joy for the father of a rebel.

19:18 Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.

19:26 Children who mistreat their father or chase away their mother are an embarrassment and a public disgrace.

20:7 The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.

20:11 Even children are known by the way they act, whether their conduct is pure, and whether it is right.

20:20 If you insult your father or mother, your light will be snuffed out in total darkness.

22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.

22:15 A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it far away.

23:13-14 Don’t fail to discipline your children. They won’t die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death.

I want to challenge you to mark them in your own Bible and then continue to find other verses that speak to your own family situations. Pick a special color to dedicate for your family verses and let your children be a part of the process. This is what disciplining our children is all about! I'd much rather discipline them with the Bible and a highlighter as we study God's Word than in times of punishment! The more we spend time in these activities, the less the punishment will be necessary. And when punishment is necessary, it will make much more sense to them if they are familiar with God's words.

Parenting With a Purpose (Part 1)

Our church asked Matt and me to teach a breakout session on parenting a few months ago. People have come to me since asking for our notes and sharing that they had friends whom they wished could have been there. So...I am going to attempt to blog out our notes into something that makes sense. And also, I'm going to give a little disclaimer: we don't base any of our parenting on books we've read. There have been a couple books I've read some pages in, but the only book to which I can accredit our parenting success is the Word of God. Therefore these 2 posts will be plum full of scripture. The one thing we can always count on is God's Word! And I would advise each of you to never turn to a book(or blog!) for parenting advice without checking it against God's Word.

Matt and I both come from very large families. I was the 8th out of 10 children, and he was the 3rd out of 11! So, when I say we "only have 5" it's because we have a relatively small family in comparison. We were both blessed to be brought up in Christian homes and disciplined in love. Since Matt was one of the first children in his home he was able to watch his parents teach and guide his younger siblings. He gained great insight into the importance of training children. I was also fortunate because I was able to watch my siblings parent their children. I was babysitting by 13 and started nannying by 18. I had so many opportunities to see good and bad parenting, and I  began forming a parenting plan when I was still a teenager. I cannot begin to express how thankful I am for the advantage we were both given. God was blessing our home before we were even married!

We are called to “Train up our children in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6). We all have goals for our children. We want them to be happy, healthy, well educated, and eventually in a good marriage with a good job and giving us some grandbabies to spoil. But is that what God has called us to desire for them? Those things aren't bad, but He has a different list of priorities. We can't know whether our children will be doctors, lawyers, pastors, housewives, or whatever career they will find. That's not for us to know yet. So, what is "the way they should go”? First, we know that they need to have a personal relationship with Christ. We are all born with a sin nature. Psalm 51:5NIV says, "Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me." No mother wants to think of her precious new baby as sinful. I remember one day right after I had our last child. It was Christmas time. My oldest niece was in town on a break from Bible school for the holidays. She was sitting across the living room holding my brand new baby, just days old. I looked over and said, "Isn't she so perfect?"  My very outspoken niece answered, "No, she's a little sinner!" It was like a slap across the face! True! But it still stung! But no matter how sweet and innocent our kids seem they still need a Savior and a personal relationship with Him!
One of my favorite parts of being a mom is listening to my kids talk to God like He's a friend sitting right beside them. One Sunday morning our 4th child who was about 4 at the time had a little melt-down over the shoes she wanted to wear to church that morning. The day before we had received some hand-me-down clothes and shoes from a cousin. In the mix were a pair of brown dress shoes and a pair of shiny(key word!) black dress shoes. Her dress that Sunday morning went perfectly with the brown shoes which I told her to wear, but she wanted to wear the shiny black ones. She had a little "fit" but went to church wearing the brown ones like I told her. That morning during prayer before snack in her class(where I happened to be the teacher) she prayed the whole story out to God, "Mommy told me to wear the brown shoes. And I didn't want to wear the brown shoes. I wanted to wear the black ones, but I wore the brown ones like Mommy told me." My heart was so thrilled to hear her talking to our Father in heaven about what was weighing on her heart.

I love this story in Luke 12:13-21NLT. It's a bit long, but it just drives in the point that we should desire a personal relationship with Christ for our children.

Then someone called from the crowd, “Teacher, please tell my brother to divide our father’s estate with me.”Jesus replied, “Friend, who made me a judge over you to decide such things as that?” Then he said, “Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own.”

Then he told them a story: “A rich man had a fertile farm that produced fine crops. He said to himself, ‘What should I do? I don’t have room for all my crops.’ Then he said, ‘I know! I’ll tear down my barns and build bigger ones. Then I’ll have room enough to store all my wheat and other goods. And I’ll sit back and say to myself, “My friend, you have enough stored away for years to come. Now take it easy! Eat, drink, and be merry!”’

“But God said to him, ‘You fool! You will die this very night. Then who will get everything you worked for?’

“Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God.”
I don't think any explanation is need there!

Once our children have a personal relationship with God the next goal we should have is for them to live out the Fruits of the Spirit. I could try to explain the importance in them, or you could just read this passage. Galatians 5:13-23NLT says, "For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.
So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.
When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
Don't you wish that when we accept Christ as our Lord and Savior these fruits are automatically present and flourishing in our lives? But the reality is that we have to strive to attain them daily. We have to give ourselves over to the Spirit's control every day. And we have to teach our children to do the same!

And then we want to see them grow into responsible servants of Christ. Luke 12:42-48NLT gives a picture of the blessings in store for a responsible child: And the Lord replied, “A faithful, sensible servant is one to whom the master can give the responsibility of managing his other household servants and feeding them. If the master returns and finds that the servant has done a good job, there will be a reward. I tell you the truth, the master will put that servant in charge of all he owns. But what if the servant thinks, ‘My master won’t be back for a while,’ and he begins beating the other servants, partying, and getting drunk? The master will return unannounced and unexpected, and he will cut the servant in pieces and banish him with the unfaithful. “And a servant who knows what the master wants, but isn’t prepared and doesn’t carry out those instructions, will be severely punished. But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.

This is the "way" our children should go. We as parents must set an example of all 3 of these areas in our lives every day! And we need to be humble enough to admit and apologize when we fail in these areas. Pretending like we're perfect and never struggle doesn't help our kids face trials. But walking this journey with them close behind gives them insight and wisdom to thrive in these areas. If they see you having a personal relationship with Christ, they will be likely to strive for a relationship with Him too. If you are walking in the Spirit with the fruits of the Spirit growing daily in your life, they will see them and copy you. If you are responsible with what God has entrusted to you, they will learn responsibility too. It starts with YOU! You have to live your life the way you want to see them live theirs.

Set an Example

I'm so thankful for our dear pastor who speaks truth each week! Any of you who do not attend Christway or missed this morning's message should check it out, or all this month's messages for that matter. This morning he started out with this verse:

 

1Timothy 4:12(NIV)

 Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young,

 but set an example for the believers

 in speech,

 in conduct,

 in love,

 in faith,

 and in purity.

I feel so inadequate to be blogging some days (which explains the months of no posts!) I've been "accused" of being too young to have 5 kids! And I sure use that often as an excuse to say that I have no right to give advice. I'm not always called to give advice. I am, however, always called to set an example for other believers. Oh, how I wish I did that!

 

If I had to put a check-mark beside everyone of those areas in that verse in which I was blameless this week I would have 0 check-marks. I gossiped this week. I yelled at my kids this week. I was selfish this week. I worried this week. I laughed at sin this week. All of these are things that I hate, but yet they are present in my life. It makes me think of Paul's words: "...what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15) 

 

You can see why I would hope that no one is looking to me for an example, but I know that people do. I would be so devastated if people saw how I act some days. But does that mean I give up and accept my human nature? No! I have to keep striving to be Christlike. I have to die daily to myself, strive to follow Christ, and thank Him for His grace that covers all my failures.

More than other believers watching me, my kids are watching me! I have more influence on them than anyone else, especially since I home school them. No one else in the world has the opportunity or the responsibility that I have when it comes to my kids. Even Matt doesn't have as much time as I do to set an example for them. They see me at my best and at my very worst! That is why it is so important for me to set a good example and apologize when I do wrong.

 

I'm seeing more and more that if I want my kids to be Christlike in their speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity I need to set an example in my own life of the characteristics that Christ exemplified in His life. Our kids watch everything we do. So, I want to speak to them the way I want them to speak to others, conduct myself the way they should conduct themselves, love others more than myself, live by faith, and set an example of purity in every area of my life.

 

I absolutely LOVED how Pastor John talked about how close is too close to sin this morning. Instead of giving a list of guidelines he pointed out some obvious areas in which we "Christians" make exceptions for sin in our own lives. I want to "soar on wings like eagles" (Isaiah 40:31) as I move to finish this race! Allowing sin to hide in my home via the tv or anger or unkindness will hold me and my family down. But as I lay aside those weights I can soar and show my children how to soar too! Let's live out an example of Christ's lifestyle each day as we show our children the way!

 

 

Everything We Do

I didn't want to write this post. In fact, I've argued with God about writing it for almost a week now. But I believe God has laid this on my heart, and I committed to writing for Him. So here it is!

Years ago my oldest son came to me and asked, "What do we celebrate on Halloween? I know on Christmas we celebrate Jesus being born. And on Easter we celebrate Jesus dying on the cross and coming back to life. But what about Halloween?" I know that everything about the holiday is not evil. But is there anything about it to celebrate? What is worthy of celebration?  In all my research of Halloween I can't find one part of it that points to Christ.  Sure there are parts of todays traditions that can be linked to Christians, but that doesn't make it a Christian holiday. Even Satan has a history with God. I mean really, they lived together in fellowship before Lucifer was expelled from heaven. But do those roots make him good? And even if we are not purposefully bringing glory to Satan, do you think he minds the recognition?  Research it for yourself. I've heard some people say it started as a Christian holiday. But everything I've found on secular and nonsecular sites has said it originated as a time for contacting the dead, appeasing evil spirits, and practicing witchcraft. Sure some Christians tried to adapt it to fit their religion. Christians used to dress up as Bible story characters and put on plays for people in return for food and drink. But that was a year round practice until they moved it to Halloween. And did that work? Is it a Christian holiday now? Does it point to Christ today? 

Here are some verses we have applied to the topic of Halloween in our home. Read them. Pray over them. And then do what you feel is right. Don't just disregard them because you're so sure Halloween is harmless. Maybe it is harmless, but is it good? And if it's not God's best for you, isn't that harmful?

• Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.(Phil. 4:8 NIV)
• Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute! (Phil. 4:4-5 The Message)
• Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God said: “I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from among unbelievers,
  and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord. Don’t touch their   filthy things, and I will welcome you.(2 Cor. 6:14-17 NLT)
• Consider the people of Israel: Do not those who eat the sacrifices participate in the altar? Do I mean then that a sacrifice offered to an idol is anything, or that an idol is anything? No, but the sacrifices of pagans are offered to demons, not to God, and I do not want you to be participants with demons. You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons too; you cannot have a part in both the Lord’s table and the table of demons. Are we trying to arouse the Lord’s jealousy? Are we stronger than he? “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive. (1 Cor. 10:18-23 NIV)
• So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. (1 Cor. 10:31NIV)
• So you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy. (1 Peter 1:14-16 NLT)

You don't have to agree with me that these verses apply to Halloween. But they are what we have used to explain to our children why we don't celebrate Halloween. And really, they apply to every single part of our lives(shopping, eating, movies, sleeping, even Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving)!

Now then, can we observe Halloween even if we find nothing in it to celebrate? I'm not going to answer that. God put us here to win souls, to reach others for Him. Can we do that if we shut our doors to the world? Or can we do that if we are no different than the world? I firmly believe that there has to be a balance, but each of us must decide what that balance is.

When Jesus was on this earth He sat down and ate with sinners. He was looked down upon by "believers" for fellowshipping with sinners. But Jesus spent time with them to show them forgiveness and salvation. He didn't hide from the world. But He also didn't sin with them. I'm NOT saying that trick-or-treating is sin. But I do weigh what we choose to do with the "What Would Jesus Do?" test. I know! You are all saying, "I can't believe she said W.W.J.D!" But if we want to be like Christ shouldn't we consider what He would do in our shoes? And if we are doing something we know He wouldn't maybe we need to reconsider what is right and wrong! I can envision Jesus walking around with the trick-or-treaters this week. I can even picture him holding the hand of a little Super Man or Witch while they hold out their little pumpkin basket for candy. But I cannot picture Him painting His holy face to look like a zombie or goblin! After the blood that pored down His face while He was saving us from our sins, do you think He would find it amusing to paint His face to look like that again? Or after all the pain He has seen His children go through do you think He can find pleasure in the horror masks and scary costumes? I know He doesn't find joy in that! He can't! He is HOLY! And those things are not!

Some people argue that Halloween is all pretend, but it is NOT! I'm not just talking about the history of Halloween. I'm talking about Halloween today. It is a celebration of death, horror, and fear. All the decorations prove that. Even Jack-O-Lanterns are said to have been carved as offerings to appease the spirits. Ephesians 6:12 tells us "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Spirits are real. Death is real. Pain is real. Darkness is real. But Jesus is Life. Jesus is Love. Jesus is the Light. So can we say we love Christ and still celebrate those things which are the opposite of Him?

Now I am not for a second wanting to make it look like we're perfect in this house. We are NOT! We know all these verses. We believe that God wants us to be holy just like He is holy. But we fail! We fail every day! I watch things I shouldn't on TV.  If I apply all those verses to what comes on my TV many shows will have to go. In fact just this week I went to turn on a murder mystery show I usually watch and felt physically ill. I had always seen it as "not that bad". They seek justice and punish the offender, right?  But the time I spend watching the show, dwelling on sin and pain does not help me become holy. So, I pray that God will continue to work on my heart and "take away all that remains for the glory of Your [His] name!"

So, now I'll bring this all back in around parenting. We teach our kids these verses. We want them to follow God's Word and apply their memory verses to their lives. But what will you do when they come to you with a question about why you do what you do? Will you tell them that God's Word only applies to important things? Will you tell them that when it says "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." it doesn't mean things like trick-or-treating or movies? My goal is that everything I do brings glory to God. I want to cook for His glory, shop for His glory, eat for His glory, parent for His glory, clean for His glory...EVERYTHING I do for God! And if something doesn't fit, then it has to go!

Moments Like These

This last week was so full of ups and downs for me! I felt so often that all I did was scold the kids and punish them.  They seemed to always be underfoot and making messes and fighting. And then a moment later I'd be sitting there in awe of how precious and wonderful they are. 

I have had many friends make comments to me about how they hate it when little old grannies at the store stop them to say, "Cherish these days. They go by too fast." because they feel like these days can't pass fast enough.  Having newborns is hard because we are sleep deprived. If they would just hurry up and sleep through the night everything will be better. Then it's once they can walk life will be easy again. As soon as they're walking it's once they're out of diapers everything will be okay. I just can't wait until they start school and I have days to myself again. After they can do their homework all by themselves...once they can clean up after themselves...when they can stay home alone...after they can drive...And then they're gone! We've been so busy with our agenda of all the things we need to accomplish over the course of a day, week, month, year, stage in life...that we wish away these days and miss out on the joys that being a parent brings.

So I have to stop and wonder what made the difference for me last week. How was I able to have "awe" moments with my kids even with all the trials that parenting brings? The simplest answer is the title of one of my favorite songs, Breathe Deep. That's what I had to do last week. There were moments I felt overwhelmed with all the things I needed to accomplish, and then I stopped, took a nice deep breath, and just watched my kids.

One time I was hurrying through the living room on a mission to get the house cleaned up before Matt got home from work. The kids were all sitting on the couch watching some show, totally engrossed in whatever it was. I could see the thrill in their eyes as something funny was happening and the excitement in my nine-year-old's eyes as he anticipated something that was about to happen. So, I sat down in the recliner and breathed. I simply enjoyed their faces and giggles.  Joy just flooded my heart!

Another time I was in a hurry to get everyone out the door to run some errands. You can imagine how that goes with 1 adult to 5 kids! One of our errands was to drop off some money at the church to help buy food for flood victims in Honduras. As I was rushing about trying to brush hair and get shoes on all 12 of our feet I explained our errands to them, and I have to admit I was a little irritated when they all gathered around my bed with their wallets deciding how much they each were going to give. But we were ready to walk out the door! Then I stepped back and breathed! They were thrilled to be able to give(some as much as 80% of all they had and some just a little change). I was in a hurry! I had so much to do. I almost said, "We're giving enough for all of you. Keep your money. We have to go." But this was so much more important. They were worshiping the Lord and I got to watch them!

I almost missed an "awe" moment with my sweet 5 year as I was rushing about trying to get dinner on the table and straighten up the house one night. He burst into tears and cried, "This day is just so sad!" after he had been in trouble for several different things. I almost sent him to his room to cry it out. And then I stopped, breathed, and pulled him into my lap. He told me just how sad the whole day was, and I told him that was exactly what Satan wanted. I reminded him of what our pastor had sad last Sunday...that Satan wants to steal our joy and our effectiveness. He doesn't want kids to obey. He wants mom's to yell. And then I shared the story of Job with him. He was so excited for Job because Job passed the test. He wanted to pass the test! He has been so motivated to pass the tests that have come his way ever since. But we almost missed that chance. I almost let having dinner on the table on time steal that moment with my son.

Moments like these are just a hint of the blessings God has in store for us if we train up our children in the way they should go. The Bible says that when they are old they will not depart from it. That's when we will really get to reap the blessings. But for now we get these moments to watch them, love on them, comfort them, teach them, and learn from them.  However, if we are too concerned with accomplishing goals we'll miss these moments. I've decided to sacrifice having a clean house and prompt meals in order to cherish these moments with my family. I can clean my house in 16 years!

A Firm Foundation

We want our kids to obey us. Partly because it will make our life easier, right? But our main goal still is to help them become the people God wants them to be. It all comes back to their hearts and where they are in their relationship with Him. Even as young children they are spiritual beings. Why else would God encourage us to have the faith of a child?

Our foundation for disciplining them should be based on the Word of God. Here are the main verses I use in training my children. (NIV)

1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. [Eph. 6:1]
2. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—  “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”[Eph. 6:2-3]
3. Do to others as you would have them do to you. [Luke 6:31]
4. Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies.[Psalm 34:13]
5. Do everything without grumbling or arguing,  [Phil. 2:14]
6. Encourage one another and build each other up. [1 Thes. 5:11]
7. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” [Mark 12:30-31]

My 4 oldest children have all these verses memorized. And my 2 year old knows them a little. When we are out at the park and one of them starts to whine about something not going her way I can say "Do everything", and she will finish the verse with "without complaining and arguing." It's almost the only kind of warning I ever give my children. It is a very simple way of reminding them that their behavior is not acceptable and I expect it to change fast. 

So here's my trick! I watched my nieces and nephews learn these verses 20 years ago by listening to songs. My kids have learned the same songs. Some of you may think Steve Green is a little too "old school", but he has done an amazing job of putting these verses to music that kids will love and gain from.
Hide 'em in Your Heart vol 1
Hide 'em in Your Heart vol 2


My older kids have mastered all the verses on both albums, so we've moved on to a new set of cd's by the Harrow Family:
God Our Provider
A New Commandment

I also had a friend suggest another whole set which I've listened to online and am super anxious to purchase! You can find them at Seeds Family Worship.

These are some great tools available to help you train your children. But remember: the most important thing for you to do is be consistent with your discipline. Teach them these verses and what they mean, and then follow through! How else will they understand how important the verses are?

Accepting the Unacceptable

A friend was telling me the other day that her daughter's behavior was getting out of control. She made a comment that really convicted me. She said, "Her behavior has become unacceptable." All I could reply was, "But yet, you're accepting it." I wasn't trying to be unkind, but it was the truth. And she knew it.

Whether it's due to laziness or a lack of knowledge, we all have at some point accepted the unacceptable. I do it all the time! I hate to admit it, but I will accept my son's talking back for days before I finally just lose it and yell at him. I did it the other day, and in my anger at him for arguing with me I lost my grocery money. I was so upset with him that I couldn't even think straight. When I tried to remember what I did with the money that had been handed to me right as I was exploding I couldn't remember. I am absolutely not proud of this story, but it's true. My behavior was completely unacceptable, and I just expected my son to accept it! And even worse, I had accepted it! What would have been acceptable would have been to discipline him a few days before when his bad attitude started, and the whole incident could have been avoided. Not only had I sinned in losing my temper, I also had sinned by not faithfully disciplining him when he needed it.

It is not an easy thing to do, but it has been so powerful when I have sat down one of my children and apologized for my unacceptable behavior. We are human, and we have struggles just like our children do. Just because we have lived more years on this earth does not mean we have mastered the art of self-discipline. And our children need to hear us voice that! We want them to be able to admit their failures, so we need to lead by example. We must be sure we are modeling acceptable behavior before we can train our children in the way they should go . It's the same concept as in Matthew 7:3-5 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." NIV) 

Not only am I modeling good behavior when I apologize, I also am more prone to consider how hard it is for my child to always do the right thing. I am NOT saying we should excuse the wrong behavior. They need to be punished appropriately. But I am much more patient when I look in the mirror and see my own faults.

And then we can pray together! Pray with your children. Together confess your sins to the Lord. Let them pray for you and your struggle with your temper, or your consistency, or your uncontrolled tongue. Let them pray for themselves and ask God to help them obey or have a better attitude or speak kindly...whatever it is you are dealing with. And then pray for them, out loud. They need to hear that. You need to model it for them. I promise that it will be powerful!

My next post will basically be a list of what God considers "acceptable behaviors" and "unacceptable behaviors" for our children and us along with the scriptures to back them up. And then my secret tool in implementing them in our home! So, be watching for it :)